True Blood S1E1

Published July 18, 2015 by makeuponatightbudget

Don’t ask me what possessed me to watch this show. Ok, I’ll tell you what possessed me. I watched Magic Mike XXL yesterday and Joe Mangianello (?) is in it. In later seasons of True Blood he plays Alcide, a werewolf (drools for days) and I wanted to see him. Now i’ve seen a few episodes of TB here an there, I know the story line for the most part and I HATE SOOKIE AND BILL. God they’re so gross and the absolute worse. And now I’m putting myself through 7 seasons of torture for this. Good Job self. Good job. At least Eric Northman is there….I love him. Let’s see how long it takes before this show annoys the hell out of me.

Honestly this show is Twilight for adults. Vampires want to be part of mainstream society. That’s not how vampires work.

The bad thing about this show is that they have vampire rednecks. Wonderful. As if this show wasn’t horrible enough. I’ll complain about this entire show while watching it, i will promise you that.

Oh boy, now we get to see Sookie at her shitty waitressing job! But more importantly i’m here for my boo, LaFeyette. Yes hunty. I didn’t know that she could read minds, well hear people’s thoughts. That must suck. I wouldn’t want to hear anyones thoughts. Oh god, could you imagine the disgusting thoughts some creeper would have about you, and you would hear it?! That would be horrible:( I almost feel bad for Sookie, if I really liked I would definitely feel bad but I don’t. Is that really how Tara talks?? Like I hope she’s joking at least a little bit. Damn.

That was literally the weirdest way to quit a job. I mean i understand going off on people but that was just weird. At least tara dies eventually! Oh well, I was right. Sookie does get to hear what creeps think of her. Now I kind of feel bad. I hope she punches him in the face. I would.

Yasss LaFeyette is here. I can’t wait till I get to the part with him and his boyfriend. I forgot what the hell his name was. it started with an R i think. Also, I know spoilers about this show everywhich way I’m just sitting down to finally watch it. Starts new show to avoid problems and work. God I love Lafeyette. He’s literally me I swear.

Jason is such a pretty little thing, jeez. Big and dumb ❤

Oh god Bill looks like a hobo. Why the hell is she attracted to him. Why are all mainstream vampires ugly??? Edward was ugly. Bill’s ugly. Shit. Can’t we get some good looking vampires around here? Came out of the Coffin?? Jesus Mary and Joseph. What kind of…

Vampire Rights Amendment. I’m dead. This is just too much. My god. Sookie and Bill’s flirting is literally so awkward and gross. That Vampire sex is weird what the hell?! He needs Jesus! He’s fucking possessed. Damn. That’s some creepy shit, But Sookie’s just yelling VAMPIRE all over the damn restuarant like she’s being so damn loud. Try to be inconscpicuous when you’re trying to save someone please. Her running is so horrible too. These sex scenes are really grossing me out…I know that it’s like half the show but it’s just really weird.

I just want to know how the hell they got Bill down long enough to take his blood. Was he weak or something? Oh silver chains I see. Aww Sam knew what was up and he came to check on Sookie in his cute widdle puppy form of course. Sam’s so precious. Ok I kind of like how Sookie’s like HEY SPEAK TO ME LIKE A DAMN LADY. At least she stands up for herself and isn’t completely useless. But she still sounds so stupid. her acting is the worse -__-

Bill. That is a stupid name for a vampire:P That part always gets me. Why are Jason’s shirts so tight. I mean…thats not a problem but he’s so tight dear god. What a big dumb stupid boy. I love him. Whoo she turned him down real smooth!! 5 points for her. That was the best. I don’t even remember Sookie having a grandma. Does she like die this episode? Huh…

Grandma looks like she dying to set Sookie up on a date. Alright now somethings happening. I bet those rednecks are coming back for her or something. They’ll probably kill Grandma. Nope Bill’s just being a creep….ok. Is she not going to question how his fucking weird self just found her house??? Like that’s creepy and stalkerish. Ohhhh she’s having a dream. Thank god. Who the fuck is Maudette Pickins? What kind of name is Maudette? I bet that’s the girl that Jason was having sex with last night. There was a camera there so I bet that vampire guy saw it all. The bald headed vampire one in her weird porno, not Bill. Good jb being real Smooth Jason, now Sookie knows you were there with the fangbanger. That’s such a stupid name. Remember when Hot Topic sold shirts that said that shit?

Uh-oh the police showed up at Jason’s construction job. I mean i’m pretty sure he didn’t do it but like they might suspect him. Yasssss Renee. God now this is an accent I can get behind. But Jason is beign a dumbass. He doesn’t know how the hell to lie to police. Good job you idiot.

Grandma is so cute. She’s like so excited to learn about the war, omg. What a little old lady. LaFeyette gives me life. I love him so much. He’s always teasing guys at the restaurant. Ohh now Sookie found out that Jason was arrested. Well now Bill’s back and actually being creepy in real time. No dreams this time around. Ugh all this romantic music and the dumb look she’s giving Bill makes me want to vomit. it’s all like oh wow, look at this creepy ugly vampire, she’s so hot and amazing. Stop it. It’s the same trope over and over again. At least Bill knew from the very beginning that Sookie was different. What is she a fairy or something? I think it’s a fairy. I can’t really remember. He just asked her out in the weirdest old fashion way possible, omg. It was really weird how everyone was staring at her and Bill like damn mind your own business! Did she really just start crying because Sam yelled at her? I thought she was a little better than that>.< Well now she stands up for herself?! Make up your mind Sookie! You cried for like .25 seconds and then turned to yell at them. I don’t understand. Well i think the Rattrays’ found her. It was kind of nice seeing her get beat up:P


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